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第一篇：最搞笑的英文滑稽表演劇本

The bank

Scene: The manager’s office in a bank

Characters: Miss D. Posit, the bank manager

Monica, Miss Posit’s secretary

Mr. Moore, a customer

A bank robber

Miss Posit is sitting at her desk. The robber comes in suddenly

Robber: Nobody move!

Posit: Of course, I am professional. When I am working, I never move around.

Robber: Read this.

Posit: “Three tomatoes, four eggs and two cans of Coca-Cola.” You can get out, turn right, there is a Wal-mart. You will get what you want there.

Robber: Oh, thanks.

(The robber turns back and goes out.)

Monica brings Mr. Moore in.

Monica: Mr. Moore.

Miss Posit: Good morning, Mr. Moore.

Mr. Moore: Good morning.

Miss Posit: Thank you, Monica.

Monica leaves the office.

Miss Posit: Do sit down, Mr. Moore.

Mr. Moore: Thank you.

He sits down.

Miss Posit: Now, Mr. Moore, the situation is like this. You account is overdrawn. ￥10,000 overdrawn.

Mr. Moore: Oh, good.

He takes out his credit cards and shows them to the manager.

Miss Posit: Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore, if you use your credit cards, you’ll be overdrawn more, Mr. Moore.

The robber comes back again with a bag of grocery at hand.

Robber: Nobody move!

Miss Posit: Can I help you?

Robber: That’s better. You-

Mr. Moore: Me?

Robber: Yes. Read this.

He gives Mr. Moore a note.

Mr. Moore: Oh. OK. Er… (Reading) “Three tomatoes, four eggs…”

Robber: No, no, no. The other side this time.

Mr. Moore: Oh, sorry. Er…(Reading) “Give me all your…h(huán)oney, or I’ll kiss you.”

Robber: Not kiss-kill!

Mr. Moore: Oh. Er…Miss Posit. I think this is for you.

He gives the note to Miss Posit.

Miss Posit: (Reading) “Give me all your money, or I’ll kill you.” I see. Would you sit down for a moment?

Robber: Sit down?

Miss Posit: Yes. I am very busy at the moment. Please sit over there.

Robber: But-

Miss Posit: I’ll be with you in a moment.

The robber sits down.

Miss Posit: Now, Mr. Moore. You spend twice as much as you earn.

Mr. Moore: But I earn ￥5000 a month.

Robber: Excuse me!

Miss Posit: Yes!

Robber: I make ￥50,000 a month.

Miss Posit: Really? Would you like to sit here?

Robber: Thank you.

Miss Posit: Mr. Moore, would you sit over there for a moment.

The robber and Mr. Moore change places.

Miss Posit: Tell me… where do you keep this money?

Robber: Here, in this bag.

He puts a large bag full of money on the desk.

Miss Posit: Oh, oh, yes. Very nice. Um…would you like to open an account, Mr…?

Robber: Robber.

Miss Posit: Well, just excuse me one moment, Mr. Robber. I’ll ask Monica to get the necessary papers.

Robber: Certainly.

Miss Posit leaves the office.

Mr. Moore: Excuse me…

Robber: Yes?

Mr. Moore: You make ￥50,000 a month.

Robber: Yes.

Mr. Moore: How do you do it?

Robber: I rob banks.

Mr. Moore: Oh, I see. You rob banks and steal the money.

Robber: Yes.

Mr. Moore: How do you do it?

Robber: It’s easy. First, you need a mask.

Mr. Moore: Oh, nice, I have got one.

Robber: Well, then you take a gun-

Mr. Moore: I haven’t got a gun.

Robber: Oh…well, borrow mine.

Mr. Moore: Thank you very much.

Robber: You take a gun and you take a note.

Mr. Moore: Oh, yes, the note. That’s very good. I like that. (Reading) “Three tomatoes, four eggs-”

Robber: The other side!

Mr. Moore: Oh yes. (Reading) “Give me all you honey, or I’ll kiss you!”

Robber: “Money” and “kill”!

Mr. Moore: Oh, yes.

Robber: You wear a mask, take the note, go into the bank, and put the note on the bank manager’s desk.

Mr. Moore: Is that all?

Robber: Yes.

Mr. Moore: I see.

Monica comes back with papers.

Monica: Ah, yes. Now, Mr. Robber-

Mr. Moore: Give me all your honey…money, or I’ll kiss…kill you.

Monica: (Scared) Money, Mr. Moore? Certainly. Take this bag.

She gives Mr. Moore the robber’s bag.

Mr. Moore: Oh, thank you. That was easy.

Robber: Yes, but-

Monica: Mr. Moore, your account is still ￥10,000 overdrawn.

Mr. Moore: Oh, yes. Well…um…Here you are.

He gives here ￥10,000 from the robber’s bag.

Mr. Moore: ￥1000, ￥2000, ￥3000, ￥4000-

Robber: But…but…

Monica: Thank you. Mr. Moore.

Mr. Moore: Goodbye.

Mr. Moore leaves.

Miss Posit: Now, Mr. Robber, here is your account…

Robber: But…But…But…

Monica: Mr. Robber, Mr. VIP, Here is my telephone number, My name is Monica…

Robber: Just a minute! I think something’s gone wrong. Hey, you! Come back! Bring back my money-and my gun! Come back!

He runs after Mr. Moore.

Monica: Hey, don’t forget to call me.

第二篇：搞笑辭職報(bào)告

搞笑辭職報(bào)告

尊敬的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)們：　　話說(shuō)天下大勢(shì)，分久必合，合久必分！此言雖出自古書三國(guó)，吾以為對(duì)當(dāng)今之事亦有裨益?！　〗瘢煜略庥霭倌杲?jīng)濟(jì)危機(jī)，試看全球經(jīng)濟(jì)形勢(shì)，可謂哀鴻遍野，民不聊生，眾廠商、工人、民工皆叫苦連天，司某人有感于此，不禁聯(lián)想自身處境，不勝傷悲，嗚呼哀哉！　　司本布衣，自幼出身貧寒，躬耕于冀南邢州大地，茍全性命于當(dāng)世，不求聞達(dá)于富貴，但求溫飽以殘喘。然現(xiàn)實(shí)殘酷之至，司自去歲四月上旬至本社工作至今，已一載有余，幾度春秋幾度冬夏，時(shí)光流逝過(guò)三百余個(gè)日日夜夜。想當(dāng)初，余本一意氣少年，年少輕狂，夢(mèng)想飛揚(yáng)，欲于本社大展抱負(fù)，一則為集團(tuán)增光添彩，二則為己身加衣增食，兩全其美之策，豈不爽哉？惜，一年光陰，吾不僅未大展身手，且囊中羞澀，債臺(tái)高筑，節(jié)衣縮食，杜絕聚會(huì)?！　”娕笥央x去者，有之；鄙視者，有之；唾棄者，有之。皆因司某昔日之優(yōu)秀少年竟完全失去自我至此所致。司每月九百大錢竟是基礎(chǔ)工資、崗位津貼以及誤餐補(bǔ)助相加之結(jié)果……眾友云：“甚矣，汝之不慧，竟能容忍至今，不死何為？”余汗顏，余何嘗不想多整幾兩紋銀，上對(duì)的'起天、下對(duì)得起地、中間對(duì)得起空氣；然而，余出身農(nóng)家，是苦皆能，是事皆能忍，只可惜終究徒勞無(wú)功，雖兢兢業(yè)業(yè)終究溫飽都不得解決，今面容竟呈老態(tài)龍鐘之相。何也？食不飽，力不足，才美不外現(xiàn)，故猶如千里馬，雖有千里之能，然無(wú)奈唯有餓死圈中……　　司雖不才，不敢以千里馬自居，然自知亦不是一庸者。人之立于當(dāng)世，需一技之長(zhǎng)，司某自視甚低，不敢自稱滿腹經(jīng)綸，然應(yīng)付文字之事亦不在話下；然，一載以來(lái)，每每捫心自問(wèn)，無(wú)不捶胸頓足，幾欲灑淚襟前。何也？漫漫長(zhǎng)夜，孤枕難眠，輾轉(zhuǎn)反側(cè)，陋室憶昔，每日之工作唯“清潔”二字……即打掃房屋若干、倒水端茶、虛偽客套，周旋于各所謂領(lǐng)導(dǎo)之間，日復(fù)一日，月復(fù)一月，受命以來(lái)，夙夜憂嘆，兢兢業(yè)業(yè)，誠(chéng)惶誠(chéng)恐，畏有所疏漏懈怠……今扶膝自嘆，何等悲哀！　　桃花謝了春紅，太匆匆，年華如水，倏忽間春夏秋冬四季已輪回三百六十度。茫然回首，所得幾何？所失幾何？今不得不略作盤點(diǎn)：所得――物質(zhì)上：工作十二月，前三月每月六百，后九月每月九百，區(qū)區(qū)數(shù)千一年來(lái)不夠司某解決溫飽，更何談穿衣游玩，過(guò)品質(zhì)生活；精神上：備受打擊煎熬，一年來(lái)新掌握一技之長(zhǎng)，即打掃衛(wèi)生，司某好歹一堂堂男子漢，本科畢業(yè)生，其不才之至，亦不應(yīng)淪為清潔工之列，故使其當(dāng)年年少輕狂之心瞬間蒼老，再無(wú)活力；一載以來(lái)，司某唯唯諾諾，伺候他人勝過(guò)關(guān)心自己，其所求，僅每日溫飽問(wèn)題，然隨物價(jià)飛漲，此問(wèn)題之解決亦不可得。所失――失去了時(shí)間、浪費(fèi)了青春、耽誤了大好年華、愧對(duì)父母兄姐、做人尊嚴(yán)消失殆盡……　　然，何以堂堂風(fēng)華正茂之青年司某人壓抑之至，努力堅(jiān)持到如今，唯一原因：在等待傳說(shuō)中眾人期盼的漲工資之事而已。實(shí)在可憐，怪司某年幼無(wú)知，竟傻傻苦等一年，終究未果；司某一年來(lái)生活所需之?dāng)?shù)千外債亦無(wú)望償還，故司某人頓悟：此處系年輕人之墳?zāi)挂?，唯一功能即埋沒(méi)夢(mèng)想、埋沒(méi)青春、消磨斗志、耗費(fèi)光陰，如是而已。故，頓悟之司某人今決定不應(yīng)消磨于此，做出選擇的時(shí)刻已到來(lái)?！　≡捳f(shuō)天下勢(shì)，分久必合，合久必分！既此處不留司某，司某亦不便繼續(xù)打擾貴處，既不能兩惜，何不兩離，從此，彼此相忘于江湖！以決絕的姿態(tài)！　　今懇請(qǐng)開(kāi)明之領(lǐng)導(dǎo)準(zhǔn)許卑微無(wú)能之員工司某人辭職，不勝感激

第三篇：最搞笑的辭職報(bào)告

致尊敬的xx院長(zhǎng)：

你們好！

我是xx，首先在此向你們致以最誠(chéng)摯的問(wèn)候！祝你們工作順心！生活愉快！天天好心情！

非常抱歉！上次我都沒(méi)有向你們道別就離開(kāi)了醫(yī)院――一個(gè)讓我事業(yè)起步并深深培養(yǎng)過(guò)我的地方。對(duì)于我貿(mào)然離開(kāi)離開(kāi)醫(yī)院的行為，我在此正式向你們致以最真誠(chéng)的歉意！誠(chéng)請(qǐng)你們諒解！

在xx待過(guò)的九個(gè)月，是我生命中非常難忘而極具意義的一段時(shí)光，xx的那種“家”的感覺(jué)給我留下了深刻的印象，這也必定是我今后?；亍凹摇笨纯吹牡淖钪匾蛑?！

感謝醫(yī)院所有關(guān)心我、信任我的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)、老師們，無(wú)論今后我走到哪兒，我都會(huì)記住曾經(jīng)給予我支持和幫助的人們，并用實(shí)際的行動(dòng)予以回報(bào)，滴水之恩，當(dāng)涌泉相報(bào)！

人的一生中有太多不可預(yù)測(cè)的機(jī)遇，有時(shí)機(jī)遇來(lái)臨的突然及寶貴，會(huì)讓每個(gè)面臨它的人作出一些旁人難以理解的決定，甚至?xí)齺?lái)一些非議或負(fù)面影響，但這個(gè)舉動(dòng)也必然會(huì)在一段時(shí)間后讓所有關(guān)注它的人為之嘆服。

人為什么會(huì)成功是因?yàn)樗幸活w成功的心，他時(shí)時(shí)刻刻為成功找經(jīng)驗(yàn)、找方法;人為什么會(huì)失敗是因?yàn)樗幸活w失敗的心，他時(shí)時(shí)刻刻為失敗找理由、找借口。成功者歷經(jīng)挫折而熱情不減！成功者永不放棄，放棄者永不成功！

為了理想和現(xiàn)實(shí)的需要，我再次決定離開(kāi)xx.我很幸運(yùn)地選擇了能實(shí)現(xiàn)理想和滿足現(xiàn)實(shí)需要的事業(yè)。請(qǐng)你們放心，我在任何時(shí)候，都會(huì)堂堂正正地做人，光明磊落地做事，正正當(dāng)當(dāng)?shù)貟赍X。

今天，請(qǐng)?jiān)试S我在此正式向xx辭職。

此致

敬禮！

　　辭職人

　　20xx年xx月xx日

第四篇：最搞笑的辭職報(bào)告

尊敬的'領(lǐng)導(dǎo)：

古語(yǔ)云：天要下雨，娘要嫁人，生死有命，富貴在天。我本來(lái)想在培養(yǎng)我的xx公司里工作終老，但生活是殘酷的，巨大的生活壓力迫使我抬起頭來(lái)，去遙望那碧藍(lán)的天空。這時(shí)，我多么羨慕那自由飛翔的小鳥(niǎo)，還有那些坐得起飛機(jī)的人啊！每個(gè)月的開(kāi)頭，我會(huì)滿心歡喜地拿著微薄的工資去還上個(gè)月的欠債；每個(gè)月的月中，為了省錢我會(huì)竭盡全力勒緊褲帶；每個(gè)月的月末，生活的本色就變成了借錢和躲債。

人比人得死，這是句俗話，但確實(shí)是亙古不變的真理?？粗磉呉粋€(gè)個(gè)兄弟都“出口”了，我這心里跟火燒似的。看著朋友每月拿著占俺月工資15%的房貼、車貼，還有五六百的高溫費(fèi)，幾千幾萬(wàn)的獎(jiǎng)金，俺這心里就琢磨著，這人與人的差距咋就這么大呢？

人生數(shù)年，彈指一揮間。是的，公司有培訓(xùn)計(jì)劃，有培養(yǎng)機(jī)制，公司承諾會(huì)盡量把每一位員工培養(yǎng)成為有理想、有道德、有文化、有紀(jì)律的四有新人，工資會(huì)漲的，面包會(huì)有的，可俺咋就看不明白，你們培養(yǎng)俺就要三年五年的，人家咋不用培養(yǎng)就收留了俺呢？人家咋就看得起俺，舍得多給俺錢呢？俺的人生還有多少年來(lái)給你培養(yǎng)？到時(shí)候，人老珠黃，黃花菜都涼啦！龍入淺水遭蝦戲，虎落平原被犬欺??！

佛曰：一枯一榮，皆有定數(shù)。圣經(jīng)上說(shuō)：欠著我的，我會(huì)記下。梁朝偉說(shuō)：“出來(lái)混，總歸是要還的?！彪娨暽弦舱f(shuō)：“要爽靠自己！”

因此，本人因?yàn)閭€(gè)人原因，決定離開(kāi)已經(jīng)服務(wù)多年的xx公司。請(qǐng)求領(lǐng)導(dǎo)批準(zhǔn)。

　　此致

敬禮！

　　簽名：

　　時(shí)間：